Swami Ozen Rajneesh Enlightenment Experience
i was aware that many layers of experiences were gathering
a kind of multidimensional collective understanding
was now converging to some sort of bigger opening
it was a vague feeling
yet i was certain that i was hearing my inner voice
assuring me i was close
to something
ten days to my deadline
i decide to sit for seven days completely in silence and not move at all
there is a little courtyard in sunderban with a small lemon tree
this was a perfect spot to sit unnoticed
absolutely no disturbance
i started my final seven days dive
totally resolute and now more intensely focused
it all started with this seven days ultimatum
my body started to get very very hot…i was getting high fever
and continuously sweating…moaning in high fever in my sleep
the next day the body started to get ice cold to shiver and shiver…my teeth chattering
it was all strange
one day intense heat…another day intense cold
perhaps i had pushed too much
so i let go and dropped pushing as i would only get sick this way
something in my body started to break down
i was feeling a transparent vapour surrounding me
cool and nourishing…like a silent guide
the intensity and focus made my bodymind obedient to my wishes
supporting my every wish and desire
i had released a genie from the bottle
sitting still…just sitting still
i began to realise that the air outside was not empty
it was thick with energy enveloping and gripping me from the outside
and that there was some energy thick and gripping me from the inside
perhaps if they were to meet…the inner and outer were to become one
so i become absolutely still
and focus on stillness
breathing in…breathing out
i began to focus only on the gaps
in breath gap…out breath gap
this gap was my new focus
there start to come moments where i would forget to breathe in or out
long pauses in the gap began to appear
and a sudden feeling that i was falling into something
just slipping into some sort of tunnel in the gap
sit was extremely scary as i realised for the first time
i was in a very complex focal point in between the breath on the gap
several times the fear of the breath stopping drew me into a blackout
and i could hear a tunnelling sound as if being sucked into a vacuum
it was scary but still very exciting
as my stillness became more and more compressed
i also began to experience an expansion of the stillness
new experiences began to surface
my body started to smell of jasmine
the scent was so overpowering that it began to intoxicate me
and my eyelids became heavier and heavier
the intoxication extremely heavy and thick
i was moving into a trance like state
heavy sleep surrounding me
i was losing my mental grip on my daily controlled routine
this intoxication was simply overpowering
i was blissed out and let go
no more routine
just go with this trance and let it take over
the experience of sound became strange
it was almost as if sound came from everywhere
and i was sitting inside it…like ripples all moving in circles…around me
the more i experienced this the more i became aware of my silences
it was becoming deafening…the ripples around me
the silences deepened
i was being drowned into a sound of a hum
humming like millions of bees in my head
sometimes it was too loud…unbearable
but it was out of my control
my touch began to expand
the rock i sat on felt almost like feathers
i could feel my hands were alive with a feather like touch
i am now always looking upwards
the spot between my eyebrows was in a hypnotic state
a drill like force pressing into it gripping my forehead like a bench vice
i could not look down
my eyes always looking up to the sky
as if waiting for something to appear in front of me
while my inner senses started reaching outwards
i could feel that they were also moving inwards…a merger
inside to outside and outside to inside
sensitivity grew…there were no more walls
i was vaporising
my body starts expanding and stretching like a balloon
i feel the currents in the air merging with me
from nowhere and everywhere
from the sky, the earth, the grass, the trees, the rocks, the air
all becoming animate and everything started to pour into me
my body has disappeared
i was completely transparent and vulnerable
layers and layers suddenly start opening in front of me
i am trying hard to manage and control these experiences
a multitude of experiences all pouring down into me
i need to go to the toilet…i feel a huge let go of my bowels
everything had flushed out of me
my body seemed to be preparing for something
every pore of the skin starts to ooze something out of the body
it is thick like honey flowing out of the entire skin
i become sticky…the body feels creamy…and soft like a baby
i experience a tall kundalini like opening
a fast torrent of vertical movement into the sky
my head starts to suddenly gain pressure…suddenly drop pressure
the push inside my skull is very painful
and i begin to cry within myself
and wish all this would somehow stop
it was too much…someone please stop this…i was exploding
it has started to rain
my breathing becoming more clear and open
my entire body is porous and breathing
i am becoming a breath myself
i find an umbrella…it does not remain over my head
but is swung violently to the right
i try again to bring it above my head…it is swung to the left
i cannot keep the umbrella above me
i let it go…the rain is coming down
strangely i see the rain parting above me…the rain is not falling on me
the force of this vertical torrent is dividing the rainfall
i am walking as if in a magical dream
the trees and greenery have become psychedelic
the air is becoming full of lights and brilliant
colours dancing like rainbows with the rain drops
everything i see is becoming more and more bright
with different colours emanating in each direction
every moment is alive with the newness of change
but too much for my sensory experience to absorb
the stream is too fast
this was all too much…too sudden
