{"id":5300,"date":"2018-03-23T16:57:25","date_gmt":"2018-03-23T16:57:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/guruquote.net\/?p=5300"},"modified":"2018-03-23T16:58:32","modified_gmt":"2018-03-23T16:58:32","slug":"rabbi-greenberg-died-went-heaven","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/guruquote.net\/index.php\/2018\/03\/23\/rabbi-greenberg-died-went-heaven\/","title":{"rendered":"Rabbi Greenberg died and went to heaven"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"mp-row-fluid motopress-row mpce-dsbl-margin-left mpce-dsbl-margin-right\">\n<div class=\"motopress-clmn mp-span12  mpce-dsbl-margin-left mpce-dsbl-margin-right\">\n<div class=\"mp-row-fluid motopress-row mpce-dsbl-margin-left mpce-dsbl-margin-right\">\n<div class=\"motopress-clmn mp-span12 mpce-dsbl-margin-left mpce-dsbl-margin-right\">\n<p>Rabbi Greenberg died and went to heaven. He saw only three people there, reading by a dim light. One of them was Madjibhai Morarjibhai Desai who was reading PLAYBOY, the second one was Ayatollah Khomaniac &#8212; he was reading GALLERY &#8212; and the third was Pope The Polack who was reading GENESIS. And they were all reading very religiously. He could not believe his own eyes. First he could not believe that there were only three people in heaven, and then he could not believe they were all religiously reading PLAYBOY, GALLERY, GENESIS &#8212; and reading so religiously, as if they were reading the Gita, the Koran, the Bible.<\/p>\n<p>He decided to see what hell was like. The rabbi got to the Devil&#8217;s domain and it turned out to be a big nightclub with every kind of music being played. There was an eight-piece Dixieland band, a thirty-piece swing band, and all the people were dancing.<\/p>\n<p>Rabbi Greenberg went back up to heaven and asked for an audience with God. &#8220;I don&#8217;t understand it, Lord,&#8221; he . said. &#8220;There are only three people in heaven and they are all reading, and they are all reading things which should not be read, and they are reading them so religiously. I am amazed! I am surprised! And down in hell everybody is dancing and having a good time! And these three people look so sad and so ugly. Why can&#8217;t we have some music in heaven, some dance in heaven?&#8221;<br \/>\nThe Lord said, &#8220;I can&#8217;t hire a band just for these three stupid people!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Repression, control can only make you stupid. And remember, even if you go to heaven you will smuggle some old copies of PLAYBOY, GALLERY, GENESIS, because here you missed them. They are bound to go with you. Here you were reading the Gita, the Koran and the Bible; here you were repressing. It is easy to repress in a life of seventy or eighty years, but in heaven it is infinity. How long can you repress? How long can you sit upon a volcano? Sooner or later it is bound to erupt.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"mp-row-fluid motopress-row mpce-dsbl-margin-left mpce-dsbl-margin-right\">\n<div class=\"motopress-clmn mp-span12 mpce-dsbl-margin-left mpce-dsbl-margin-right\">\n<div class=\"motopress-image-obj motopress-text-align-left\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/guruquote.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/download.jpeg?fit=205%2C246&ssl=1\" title=\"osho\" alt=\"Paddy NcNaughty went to confession: \"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.\" \"And what is it that you have done, my son?\" \"I made love to one of the girls in the village.\" \"My God!\" said the priest, \"and which of the village girls did you commit sin with?\" \"Ah, Father, that I cannot tell.\" \"And if you will not tell me, then I shall not give you absolution.\" \"Ah dear!\" said Paddy. \"Was it Molly O'Flaherty?\" asked the priest. \"No, it was not Molly O'Flaherty.\" \"Then was it Flora Fitzgibbons?\" \"Ah no,\" said Paddy, \"it was not Flora Fitzgibbons.\" \"Was it Maggie Muldoon, then?\" persisted the priest. \"Ah, sure no, it was not Maggie Muldoon.\" \"Then who in heaven's name was it?\" \"Ah, sure, Father -- that I cannot tell.\" \"And if you don't tell me I shall not give ya absolution.\" \"Ah, Father, that's too bad!\" said Paddy and walked out of the confessional. His friend, Michael, was waiting outside. \"Well, Paddy, did ya get yar sins forgiven?\" \"No,\" said Paddy, \"but I got the names of a few good broads!\"\" class=\"motopress-image-obj-basic mpce-dsbl-margin-left mpce-dsbl-margin-right mpce-dsbl-margin-top mpce-dsbl-margin-bottom\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" ","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[165,451],"tags":[452,2],"class_list":["post-5300","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-osho","category-osho-jokes","tag-jokes","tag-osho"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - 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